I sometimes wish that I could take my brain out for a day (if that makes any sense) just so I can get some piece. I don't wanna dread goin to bed because I know I won't be able to sleep so I stay up till 7am until I'm shattered and then go to bed only to find that the only thing that is tired is my body and my mind is still wide awake! I don't wanna dread waking up in the morning to face another day of this hell. I don't wanna fight with myself or my feelings anymore. I just wanna feel like me again, I used to be so happy and bubbly (to the outside world I still am) but its all an act and I am so tired of the pretense. I am tired so so tired of this constant battle to live with this. Like if your not well and you need an operation, they take the bit thats bad for you away, how much easier would it be if you could do that for depression. I get over the depression, get myself and my life back on track and then out of nowhere it returns and pulls me down into the blackness and I wish with all my heart I could take it away. I just feel like this is a never ending story and will I ever get better and feel good and be really happy again or will I just have to grin and bare it and keep up the pretense and the mask I grudginly put up in public. I have had depression for four years on and off and am on my third day of being back on anti depressants again. I have been feeling like I am going crazy and everyone around me is sane. Although I am so sorry and sadend to see that so many people feel like this and wish with all my heart that they get better soon as I know how terrible this is, I am comforted by the fact that I am not alone (I really don't mean that in a bad way). Hi I stumbled onto this site by accident and I am so glad I did.
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